Qualifications for Working With Kids

Ok- Sophia is only four, but already, we have experienced our share of coaches, teachers, instructors etc.. Some definitely better than others. It is with these experiences as well as my experience working directly with child care providers as well as being a parent that I write these qualifications. If you are working in ANY capacity with children, these are the things I feel you MUST possess and if you don't meet these- you seriously should look into a different position... just sayin'. :)

1. Sing and Dance- OK- if you spent a night in our home you would see a lot of shimmy shakin' and high pitched singing to "Let It Go." Oh and did I mention that we love Disney Junior's song "Get up and Dance." If you have kids and haven't seen this- please go find it. Now. If you are working with kids in any way, I think you MUST have a bad voice and bad dance moves but rock it out anyway. If you are at all self conscious about this, it's ok, kids don't care- they'll just love that you are doing it right along with them.

2. Animated Facial Expressions- Again, along with singing and dancing, you must be animated. Make BIG facial expressions- exaggerate your happy, sad, angry faces. They go crazy for this. I've seen teachers who are reading a book with the most solemn face and a slo o o o w, monotone voice- then Joey is pulling Lucy's hair and we wonder what the heck is wrong with Joey. Again, if you are reading, singing, or talking to kiddos in general- have fun with it and SMILE or get up and growl like the bear in "Going on a Bear Hunt."

3. BE SILLY and have fun for gosh sakes!- the above items can definitely fit under this umbrella but c'mon- if you are working with kids, this is one of the most important qualifications you can have. Your ability to make a kid laugh makes the difference for a boring, potentially disastrous day to a fun, lively, adventurous day. We've all seen the show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things," and it's true. Spend a day with a room of 3-4 year olds and you have yourself an instant comedy show. I can't tell you how many times I've been in a room where I have had to hide my smiles and laughs because apparently the teacher did not find it amusing when Joey spilled the entire bottle of glue and proceeded to lick it off the table. Ok, I'll give her that one- she should probably clean the glue up AND THEN laugh. KIDS ARE FUNNY. They say funny things, do funny things and sometimes even, they just look funny. If you can't laugh when you are working with kids, then you reallllllly need to take a deep, hard look at what. you. are. doing.  If you are working with my children, I expect this. I expect you to be down on the floor right along with them, and if you can give pony rides and airplane rides, I respect you even more.

4. Get on their level- I can't tell you the difference between a teacher/instructor/coach who gets down on a child's level and one that doesn't and the level of participation you will see. We have had experiences where, if the teacher/coach/instructor would have taken literally two seconds to kneel down and greet Sophia personally, she would have been much more willing to follow that teacher into a room without mom. This is where William and I disagree slightly, he thinks that Sophia should just go with it and deal if a teacher isn't as friendly or nurturing but I disagree. I think that if you are planning to work with kids, you need to know how to engage them. Sometimes, I think people just sort of flow into working with kids because hey, it's easy, right?! Just because you babysat in high school DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD BE A TEACHER OR A CHILD CARE PROVIDER. (or a coach or instructor etc.) You gotta know a little about kids and what makes them tick. And maybe knowing a little about child development might help too, ya never know?!

5. TALK TO THEM- sounds simple, right? WRONG. I can't tell you how many times Sophia has been in practice where the coach instructs the kids to do something and half of them stare back at her with blank faces. Sometimes, we assume kids know what we're talking about or how to do things. Sometimes, (gasp) we have to explain what we mean. We have to explain and teach and show them HOW to do something. I know, it's a doozy. You mean, I have to TEACH them HOW to play soccer or SHOW them what a straddle jump is? What?! By simply talking and explaining, at least to Sophia, it can mean the difference between a tantrum and frustration and making a goal. Even as a parent, if I can just take a minute to talk to Sophia about what's going to happen or explain to her what's going, I've found it works SO much better than just grabbing her hand and having her run behind me, trying to catch up.

So, there are my five qualifications for anyone who is thinking of working with kids. What else would you require of someone when they are working with kids?

On another note, Saidey turned 18 months last week and we had her well check today. She weighs 21.7 lbs. and is 32.5'' long. She sure is a firecracker and keeps us on our toes, that's for sure.

Now, who wouldn't love that face?! See what I mean- you could groan at the mess you have to clean or laugh because let's be honest- that's a whole lot better than crying. 

Our Love Story

Rewind to August 2004. (any non-sappy people might want to exit now)  An excited, ISU freshman out on her own for the very first time. Getting adjusted to college life in the dorms, having a roommate and having sweet freedom. I first met Will the second weekend at ISU- in his dorm room through a mutual friend from high school. Will gave my friend and I a ride back to my dorm (Steph- do you remember this?) and the meeting was very insignificant. But then we started talking and seeing each other randomly. Back when MSN Messenger was the "cool" way to communicate (man, am I dating myself or what?) you could find me at my desk late into the night having conversations with Will about what I had to lunch to my crazy family- and I mean that in the best of terms. (If I haven't apologized- I am sorry to my roommate, Chelsea, who probably fell asleep to the sound of the keyboard several times.) It was like I had known him forever and I soon found myself disclosing some of my most personal secrets to him. Things I hadn't even told my closest friends. I'm not sure if it was the safety of the computer screen or what but November came and we had our first date at Carlos O'Kelly's in Ames, Iowa. And, as they say, the rest is history. Sorry for the clichés, you just can't have a love story without 'em.

Don't get me wrong- we didn't go riding off into the sunset and not everything was rainbows and sprinkles from that point forward. We hit some bumps in the road- mostly because our relationship sort of scared me. Ok, not of sort of, it did. It scared me that I could know someone for so little of time and feel an instant connection with them. Something I hadn't felt before. It scared me that I was only 18 but yet felt that I could potentially marry this person. Things sometimes felt too good to be true and sometimes I was waiting for the other shoe to drop- for him to reveal a second head or something. I found myself pushing him away at times and creating fights for no reason. We both went through some times when we weren't sure where our relationship was headed. When I look back at those times, I KNOW those are the times that really tested our relationship and thankfully we made it back to each other.

The things that caused me to fall in love with him (his generosity, kindness, willingness to help anyone and everyone, his downright scary intelligence, and his quirky personality) are all things that make me fall in love with him more to this day. But then there are new things about him that have developed since I have met him that amaze me. Like the way he is with Sophia and Saidey. :::heart melting:::The way he can say just the right thing to get me to "snap" out of a mood or a bad day at work. The way he knows me, sometimes better than I know myself.

We got engaged the night before I graduated from ISU- May 2008, right by the campanile. We got married a little over a year later, on September 26, 2009. I was 23 and he was 25. What babies we were. And how much we have both changed since then. But the neat thing is that we have been able to change individually but also continue to grow as a couple. We have chosen to accept each other as we are, despite the changes (good or bad) and I believe that creates a true love story.

So, as we approach our five years of marriage, I am reflecting back on our journey and where its landed us. A home we have built together and two beautiful, happy, healthy kiddos. I know we still have a bumpy road ahead, we will have fights, there will be tears of both sorrow and happiness BUT at least we'll be on the bumpy road together.

 {END SAPPINESS}

Self Care Schmelf Care

For any of you who have kids and even those of you who don't- ask yourself, what are your favorite pastimes? Now, ask yourselves this, "Am I doing those things right now?" For myself and I'm sure many of you sitting here, reading this, the answer is, "No." And when you really think about it, the very things that put a smile on our face, that make us feel re-connected, and refreshed are the very first things that go out the window when, well, life happens.

When I look at all the things I enjoy doing, even the activities pre-babies- writing, shopping, going to the movies/out to eat, reading and spending time with girlfriends- when I am the most stressed- those are the very things that I DON'T do. Why is it that the things that provide stress relief and that time away- are the very things that get dropped? For me, writing especially provides a therapeutic purpose in my life and you want to know the last time I made a journal entry? It was 8-19-14. That was four weeks ago. I can make all the excuses in the world- work got busy, soccer started, school started, but that's all they are- excuses. I have found that IF something is important to us, we WILL make it a priority. I started working out late this winter and you know what- I made it a priority and have committed to working out at least once to every other day. In the past, I have made excuses about finding the time to work out but when I really committed to it and made it a priority, I didn't have any excuses NOT to do it.

I think the same should go for all the things that we know keep us going- that keep us sane on those insane days. The excuses of why we haven't gone on a date night or gone out with friends are just that- excuses. If we make something a priority- we WILL make time for it despite how busy things get.

Being in the mental health field a common term I hear is self care. In fact, Monday, I have a Compassion Fatigue Workshop that I am going to, where I am sure we will talk about the importance of self care. The importance of self care is so important to people in this field but I think it's important for EVERYBODY. I will admit, whenever I hear someone talk about self care, I groan a little inside and think Yea, yea, I need to take time for myself, yadda, yadda, yadda. Tell that to the four year old who is requesting a snack, the 18 month old who is wanting cuddles and the endless pile of laundry on the closet floor.

It sounds silly but sometimes to get our priorities back in check- we have to be a little more direct about where our time is going. If you keep a planner- SCHEDULE that self care time in! Again, I know it sounds silly to schedule time for yourself but trust me- sometimes that's the only way it's gonna get done! I have "scheduled" journal writing time every night before bed- just to jot my thoughts down for the day or reflect on anything that might keep me up during the night. So, what are YOUR favorite self care habits and how are you going to make those happen more frequently? Please share below! :)

Why I Do (or Don't) Want More Kids

When Will and I were dating and hit our 1, 2, and 3 year mark of dating, can you guess what a common question we would receive? Yes, it was, "When are you getting married?" We always knew that was our ultimate goal, was to get married but it was always funny whenever we told people how long we had been dating that the question of marriage was one of the common questions we got asked.

When we took the steps toward marriage and on the night of our wedding as newlyweds, can you guess the common question we got asked at our reception? Yes, it was, "When are you going to have kids?" And me, being the planner that I am, responded that "I would like to finish graduate school and get settled in a career before we start having kids." HA- you all know how that turned out.. and five years later, here we are....

After we had our first bundle of joy, can you guess what another question we got was? Yes, it was "So, when are you having the next one?" You can probably tell where all this is going.  And now that we have two girls, many people ask us when we are going to try for that boy?! It's funny because I saw a funny post on Pinterest and I think it sums the subject up pretty nicely.

When the talk of having more kids arises in our house, it's a friendly debate. Can you guess which side I am on? If you guessed "the more the merrier" then you are correct! Will has valid arguments for keeping our family at four, such as: you should never have more kids than you have parents.. and four people=even numbers. When you get one more- you get all unbalanced and then it's uneven with five people. And not to mention finances. With two, we already have huge costs associated with not only having children but having girls- the dresses for the all the dances, schooling etc... it can all be a little overwhelming just thinking about it. Logically, he is right. The general "messiness" of having three, the costs, time, and  losing hair associated with having three little ones is all 100% the down and dirty truth.

But my side is more emotional than logical. It's the newborn baby breath, the little sighs and cries, the little newborn hands and feet. And the little clothes. And the relationship that you see unfolding before your eyes between the kids. And despite the sleepless nights, not to mention what life will be like with two older ones all while taking care of a newborn, I just know that I am not done. I envision a house full of children (not too full) and three sounds like the magic number. For some crazy reason, I just FEEL  that having three children is what we are supposed to do. I am holding onto all our baby stuff- from the newborn clothes to the boxes and boxes of clothes we have because in my hearts of hearts I know that I want one more. But for now, we are just taking things one day at a time. And for now, we are content with our little family of four and will make the decision of if/when that time comes.

So for you all, when and how did you know you were done having children? Or wanted more? Please share!

And now, just some cute pics of our celebrating a CYCLONE victory this past weekend!

It's ok Saidey, you're too young to know any better!

Raising Bi Racial Kids

When I was in graduate school, I took a diversity class and learned about multicultural counseling. In this class, one of our projects was to write about our own cultural identity and prompted me to address the question about my own identify in terms of ethnicity and race. It got me reflecting about what being Asian means to my identity and how it impacts my life. And more importantly, what role will that play out in my children's lives?

For those of you who don't know, I was adopted from South Korea and arrived in the good ole' U.S of A courtesy of United Airlines when I was nine months. I have always known I was adopted and it's been something I always viewed as what made me special and different (in a good way). Historically and currently, I haven't had a real interest in finding out about my birth parents because the parents who raised me, they are just that- my parents. I've never felt a void or had questions specifically about my birth parents besides the typical questions of "why?" when I was younger. My parents answered those questions and I was satisfied with their answers. While growing up, I didn't learn about the Asian culture from which I was born, and I was immersed in the Western culture and I even used to joke that I was a "white girl inside and Asian on the outside." When I got into middle school,  I did become self conscious about my appearance and I remember it like yesterday- my best friend and I put clear tape over my eyes to make them appear "bigger." At the time, we thought this was absolutely hilarious but now looking back, I can see how insecure and self conscious I was about looking different. I tried my best to show people that even though I looked Asian on the outside, that I was just like them! And that I didn't act or dress weird like other Asian people. That I didn't eat rice (except one of my favorite foods to this day is Chinese food) I didn't think much about how this impacts me or how it speaks volumes about the society we live in today. How easy it was for me to be accepted and why was that?  Is it because I assimilated and act how people think I should act? Is it because I don’t identify with the Korean culture? If that is so, then is that what it takes to be accepted? To give up your own culture?  Even close friends that I have had over the years have commented that they don't see me as "Asian," that I am just like anyone else. In the beginning stages of my relationship with Will, I asked him how it felt to be in a biracial relationship, triggered by a topic in sociology class- and he had no idea what I was talking about. He laughed and said he hadn't even thought about it like that. And honestly, neither did I and we both laughed and again, I felt relieved and content and viewed it as a positive that no one saw me as Asian, they just saw me, for me. 

But when I took that class at Drake, I started to look at my acceptance in a little bit of a different light. Was it so great that people didn't "see" that I was Asian? And family and friends, I know you love me just as I am and once you get to know someone you don't see the outside appearance but instead, what's inside. I get that. But at the same time, it makes me wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't been so "Americanized." Would I have been accepted in the same way? Not only by my friends and family but by society in general? It's something that I started to question in my assignment for Drake as well as raised some questions when it came to having children of my own.

It was a little over four years ago in which I wrote this, "How important is my Korean ethnicity to me? To this day, this question is still unanswered. As of yet, it has not appeared to be too pertinent. I have taken no interest in finding out more about the Korean culture and have been perfectly okay with taking on the cultural background of my adoptive family. One event that has recently occurred that has me questioning this very debate is that I am pregnant. I know that my child (ren) will inherit many of my Korean characteristics and what will that mean to them? Will they ask why they look different? Will they wonder if they should identify with my husband and adoptive family or with my Korean ethnicity? If it is not something I identify with, will it even be a question?"

Sophia has not questioned anything but I am sure that day is not too far away. One of the biggest draws to choosing our last child care provider was the diversity- where being white was the minority. I loved that about it and Sophia made wonderful friends from all different backgrounds/ethnicities/races. One day she asked me to do her hair like her friend, Mea. It is important to know that Mea is African American whose hair is typically done in braids with beads. I explained to Sophia that her hair is much different than Mea's and unfortunately, cannot be replicated with her stick straight hair. Through her princess obsession it has recently become clear that she obviously favors light skinned, light haired princesses over the dark haired ones. Mulan, Snow White and Jasmine are tossed aside for Rapunzel and Cinderella. I have tried to encourage her to chose characters who look like her but not very surprisingly, our options are low to none. More recently, we were looking at pictures of princesses and I pointed to Mulan and she said "That looks like you, Mommy." I replied "Yes, she does, she sure is pretty, isn't she." (Of course I had to add the pretty in there ;)).  Sophia just nodded and we moved on. It got me thinking again about how I may tackle those questions related to why I look different than the rest of my family. Will I tell her I was adopted and that I am from Korea? And how? And when? The toughest part, I know, will be to help her learn to accept herself and love herself despite looking different from the other blue eyed, blonde hair girls in her class. I pray that she doesn't go through the insecurities and self consciousness as I did. I hope that she learns that beauty comes in all forms and I hope that she can also find acceptance in others who are different than her as well. Not only does she have to contend with the girl drama that starts early but on top of that she has to contend with looking just a little different than most of her peers. 

I hope that through my own journey of self acceptance and love that I can show her what it's like to accept yourself and love the differences that make us, us. It's a journey that I am still on and hope that through honest and open communication I can help make her journey a little easier. 

Look at that cute snow baby! :) 

                        

Mama Said There'll Be Days Like This

We had a great Labor Day weekend and now that Summer is winding down we are finding ourselves quickly being thrown into the start of fall activities. Gymnastics has started back up, soccer will begin this weekend and of course, college football season. (GO STATE!) Even though they had a little bit of a rocky start, we'll still be cheering them on!

We decided sort of last minute to take a little road trip to Omaha this weekend and visit one of our family favorites- the Omaha Zoo. We decided to make a night of it and stay at a hotel too. Everyone had fun at the zoo- no naps included- as well as a fun night staying in a hotel.

Daddy and Girls posing with the gorilla

Sophia checking out the penguins- one of our favorite exhibits!

A train selfie!

We woke up Monday morning, happy and ready to go. We ventured to the new outlet mall a little past the zoo and met up with my friend, Chelsea to do a little shopping. We scored some great deals and the weather was perfect. We then decided to go out to eat before heading back home. This is where things got crazy. Remember when I wrote this post and mentioned how things aren't always as they seem? This is the perfect example of that. This was a day in parenting where I hang my head and accept defeat. Both girls fell asleep on the way to the restaurant and had to be woken up. Despite being woken up, we started off great, we sat down and the girls both quietly colored. Then the food came. And neither child wanted anything to do with their food. Saidey was sitting in her chair, pulling the straw from her milk cup out, causing milk to spill and then getting super angry when I took it away and put it back in the cup. Repeat this process three or ten times. And don't you dare try to take the cup completely away or extreme screeching will ensue. And then Sophia started running laps around the table. I'm guessing she was slap happy from lack of sleep and got a second wind. Sophia was warned a few times that we need to sit down and even though she didn't want to eat she needed to sit and let the rest of us eat. It was all downhill from there. Sophia started getting upset, crossing her arms and frowning and giving us her "I'm mad at you and don't like you right now," look. I will say, given what I do for a job, I have done a great job at teaching Sophia how to identify feelings. A move that sometimes does NOT work in my favor. Especially when she gets mad in public and has zero qualms about letting me know exactly how and why I have made her mad. Everything we tried- reasoning to being the tough guy was met with a very clear, "NO." and the look that said "I'm testing you in this very public restaurant." Will decided to take her out to the car before things got worse. Saidey then decided she didn't want to sit in the hair chair because "What the heck, if Sophia isn't going to sit, why should I?" I swear sometimes they are running a conspiracy against us. She then wanted to drag her blanket all around the restaurant and didn't want to sit down either. And began to arch her back and scream in protest when I picked her up. Between wrestling an 18 month old and her blanket, and Pinkie Pie (our new pony we picked up along the way), trying to eat and continue conversation with my friend- in the back of my mind I knew this probably didn't look so great to my friend in which I made this post about.

Will and Sophia eventually made their way back and along with them, the attitude. Once we paid our bill and were on our way out, Sophia refused to get up and walk. She sat on her knees and when asked to stand up, promptly and very loudly, might I add, exclaimed "NO." complete with arms crossed and angry face. In the middle of the restaurant. I was growing more and more embarrassed about my four year old's behavior. But at this point, it's hard to even say what would have been the best route to go because any way you go, a tantrum is waiting to happen. I also didn't even know what had prompted all of this behavior anyway so I couldn't even bribe her into behaving. By the time we made it out to the car, Sophia was crying and I managed to stay calm while I hugged my friend and we said our goodbyes. Once in the car, I had to do my best to keep my face forward and not come undone. This was an experience with parenting in which I actually told my daughter that I was going to drop her off on a cow farm. Yup, I said that.

I think people who call it the "Terrible Twos" obviously have not raised a child. The two's were a walk in the park- Sophia was developing her independence, sure, and threw a little fit here and there if she couldn't get her shoe on by herself. But generally, I enjoyed the two year old stage.  This- the attitude, the defiance, the testing- have greatly peaked during the three's and now, apparently, what I have to look forward to in the fourth year. I follow a blog- Renegade Mothering (if you are sensitive to swearing, beware) and she posted this and it explains it perfectly and coincides quite nicely with what we are experiencing a little of. These are the times when I jealously look at my friend getting into her car and wish I was leaving right along with her.

But then when both kids are settled in their car seats and falling asleep and I look back at them, with their long eyelashes settled on their cheeks, dried tears staining their faces, and arms wrapped around the beloved blanket, I remember. I remember that the tantrums, the attitude and the craziness are worth it for these moments. These sweet, although rare moments of quietness and then the moment when they wake up and exclaim, "Hi Mommy," with a huge smile, completely forgetting that just less than two hours ago she hated me. All the craziness of earlier melts away. THIS is what makes it all worth it.

On another note, Sophia had her first day of Preschool today. She has been so excited for this moment- getting a new backpack, buying new school supplies and talking about Ms. Amanda and all the new friends she is going to meet. She dropped off great and it has been amazing to watch her slowly come out of her shell and become confident in herself.  We had to take the obligatory first day of school picture on the front porch before leaving. We also had the girls' pictures done and we are in LOVE with all of them. Jennifer Reding has done them since Sophia was one and we just love her work. I can't wait to share our favorites!



Sophia's First Day of Preschool
September 2014

Sweet Sisters

Our Saidey girl

Look of "innocence"

Beautiful!