Sunday, August 3, 2014

Why Coffee Dates are Good for the Soul

I sat down and finally compiled a list of my favorite must haves for moms. I chose pictures, edited them and wrote the post, all ready to be posted on my blog.

But then I went on a coffee date with one of my dear friends from ISU. We were randomly assigned as roommates our freshmen year on the sixth floor (Bates) in Willow Hall. Even though we didn't exactly hit it off right away, it wasn't long before we were talking late into the night and getting into downright shenanigans together. Some may say it was opposites attracting- a tall blonde and a short Asian girl- walking side by side down Welch Ave. Even as the years have passed and we have gone on our separate paths- her to chiropractic school and into her second year of owning her own chiropractic practice and me onto getting married, graduate school and having children- we always pick up right where we left off. Today, it was at Smokey Row, laughing at her latest dating adventures.

We caught up and talked about the usual, her family, my family, work and kids. One of the questions that she asked me though was one that left me thinking on my way home. It was, "What do you do for fun?" It took me a minute to answer and now that I look back, I realize it was because I had to think, "Yes, Shay, what DO you do for fun?" My answer was that most of my fun revolves around family and that Will and I need to take the time to take date nights. When I said this, it lead us to discuss where she is in her life- independent and free to go and do wherever/whatever she chooses. She talked about how at this point in her life she is HAPPY to be independent and not have to answer to anyone. How she loves her freedom and she sheepishly said, "Maybe that makes me selfish." As she was talking, the wheels in my head already started spinning. The first thing that I thought about was how proud I am to have her as a friend- she is a successful, independent woman whose dreams I have seen come to fruition. From a freshman at ISU dreaming of becoming a chiropractor to actually living her dreams is something of an inspiration.

It also got me thinking about my life and the path I have taken in my life and how different it is from hers. Never in my life did I imagine at 27 I would be married with two kids. I sort of have to pinch myself now. When I was in high school and making plans for the future (you remember in this post- I like to plan) they involved moving out of Iowa and working in a big city. My, how those plans got thrown out the window! Shows what I know about my so called "plans!" But as I was driving home, I was thinking even more about what she said about having fun and how much of what I think as FUN has changed over the years. Now my fun consists of catching up on Big Brother episodes or going to places with my family and seeing things through the eyes of Sophia and Saidey. What I SHOULD have told her is that WHENEVER the time comes for her to get married or have kids- if that is the path she chooses (but between you and me, I think it could be anytime :) ) getting married and especially having kids DOES change your life, your lifestyle. Your priorities change and you most likely aren't going to be able to hop on a plane to anywhere (Yup, I'm talkin' bout you, Miss I'm going to El Salvador in 3 days) in the world. BUT despite those sacrifices you make, IT IS WORTH IT. Every single moment. I would also tell her that living for her, not living for a man or anyone else, right now is NOT selfish. That there needs to be more women in the world that are comfortable in their own skin, comfortable to be alone. Ok with being alone. Confident. Independent. But I also want to let her know that I believe the right person is out there for her- someone she can still have FUN with, that complements her independent, confident, strong side. And if she ever decides to have kids- that she will make one hell of a great mom.

Look at those youngins!!

I love this girl even 10 years later!