Starting with the business side- owning my own business was a true leap of faith. Going into private practice was scary as heck- I had so many fears of failing. I still struggle with imposter syndrome and sometimes can't believe that people trust me to help them in their journey of healing and growth. These are all internal struggles that I've had to acknowledge and constantly fight and rebut every single day.
I am not a business savvy person- I've been in the human service field since I left college at Iowa State. I also spent much of my career in community agencies where focus on finances and reimbursement was not in the forefront or anything I had to worry about as a clinician. (at least knowing that I wasn't in this field for the money and lucky to get paid what I did). I simply saw the clients and didn't see the back end of the finances and business side. I would say that has been the biggest adjustment- staying on top of finances/billing and needing to have financial conversations with clients. Telling a client they will need to pay out of pocket for services because of their deductible isn't the easiest when they are going through so much anyway- hello- that's why they're in therapy in the first place, right?!- or collecting a co pay when they've just been crying or processing through really tough stuff can feel awkward and clunky.
All that to say, it's an ongoing process and I'm still learning the ropes of running a business (I even feel funny saying that I run a business).
There have been quite a few changes personally as well that I've noticed since making this transition. Of course, my schedule is so flexible that I can change my hours and days in the office as family matters arise which is so nice! My schedule is often flexible enough day to day that if I have a kiddo that isn't feeling 100 percent- she can come with me (obviously, if they are really ill, I don't do this).
I've always worked full time- through grad school and through having kiddos. There are days when I think to myself "How did I do that?!" Because at the time, I didn't know just how much I was constantly running on empty and truly how much I was treading just to stay above water.
And then there are days when I wonder how full time stay at home mom's do what they do- running the household and kids is of course, a full time job in itself- I've noticed that by being home more- I'm doing more household tasks and frankly, it gets old sometimes. There's an unspoken agreement that by me being home more means I'm doing more household things. My husband has NEVER implied that I should take that on or ask what I did all day when he gets home on the days I am home- I realize I put that on myself but I do find myself getting irritated at him because "I'm the only one that does anything around here."
Moments that I get like this make it all worth it
Because I also stay home more and my hours are more flexible- much of the taking and picking up kids to/from school/daycare is on me, too. I also am the only one there in the mornings to get three kids ready, myself ready, and everyone out the door. Same with taking them to their appointments. I love being able to do it and that is why I decided to change my hours but there are days when I feel the irritation and resentment kick in- sounding a little like "Wouldn't it be nice to just get ready for work and leave and come back and not have to worry about anything else?"
I know that isn't fair and where that's coming from but they're all emotions and thoughts that I've had to reconcile with during this last year. And then I feel guilty for feeling irritated and complaining at all in the first place and that my friends is the vicious cycle! I even re-read my above paragraphs and cringed at how I sound but forced myself to not delete those words.
All that to say, I can confidently say this change has been the best for our family. It truly has given us the flexibility we needed. I used to say I'm so lucky to have this opportunity but I take that back. Because it isn't by luck that we happened to be in this place right now. It's by hard work and dedication and support by both Will and I- that we're in this position in our lives.
The guy behind it all. Could not do it without him.