Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Spinning Wheels

Have you ever had the feeling where you felt paralyzed? Where you just didn't know what to do, how to move forward? Where your brain is spinning its wheels but not getting anywhere?

It's amazing what a brief, 30-40 minute meeting can do- it can make your once somewhat clear, sensible life look blurry, scattered and straight up scary. It can send your mind reeling.

Despite some hardships experienced younger in life, things have always seemed to work out for me. Things have just always neatly fallen into place and I know how blessed I am for that. I've always had a plan and a to-do list that I checked off methodically. Even at times that I didn't have a plan, I took peace in knowing that things would work themselves out as they usually did for me. I also like to think of myself as someone who is able to roll with the punches, taking life as it comes and pulling my big girl pants on, head held high and moving forward.

There's been one big part of my life recently that I don't have it all figured out. I am not finding peace in knowing that it will all work out in the end. For once, I'm not sure it will. I also don't have a plan and it's definitely not something I can just put on a to-do list and check things off as I go.

I've also had a vision of where I thought life was going to take me- sometimes it's what I envisioned and others, not so much. But that's been ok- I've been so grateful and blessed with the things that happened that weren't part of my vision and life has a funny way of working like that. Some of the best things in life are those that we least expect.

So, what happens when life doesn't go as expected? When things don't go your way? What happens when things get thrown into the mix that you never fathomed you'd even have to go through?

When I was pregnant with Sophia, I thought of her future. I thought of what she would be like at age 5, 10, 20 and so on. Never in my thoughts did I even think if she would have behavior difficulties at school or that I  would be having conferences at age four talking about interventions and IEP's. I know there are worse things out there then your kid struggling in school. We've been incredibly blessed with health and happiness so far. I know there are parents who are sitting at their child's hospital bed or dealing with diagnoses that have huge impacts on all areas of their child's life- especially at home.

Sophia is generally a happy, kind, smart, caring, silly little girl. So, why is she having such trouble not only regulating her emotions but being able to demonstrate skills? Why does she shut down? Is it something more than just shyness and being an introvert? More than just being strong willed and stubborn?  These questions as well as what is best for her are questions I don't have the answer for. I don't have a handy dandy checklist that is going to tell me the answer. There is no magic wand. Bottom line- she is needing extra supports in the classroom and the only way to ensure she receives these going into Kindergarten is if she gets evaluated for an IEP. Do I think that's best? I have no clue. Do I think that some of these "supports" should be made available to ALL children in the classroom? Yes. But. Is Sophia's level of support needed more so than your typical four year old? Maybe. Ok, yes. Probably. Is it impacting her learning and overall time spent in instruction? Possibly.

If you've taken the time to read through all of this, I truly appreciate it. Also, if you've been one of the lucky ones to be on the receiving end of my questions, deliberations and processing, I also appreciate YOU!  Right now I don't have any answers, or a plan or even a decision made on what we're going to do next. I can only take things one day at a time and keep in mind what's going to be the best for Sophia.

The Water Giver
A good quote to remember in this time

Do you have any experience with schools and IEP's? If so, any advice, feedback etc. would be extremely appreciated!